Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm experimenting with sincerity
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
