I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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