youre lurking in front of me
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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