It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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