Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
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She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
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You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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