dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
