i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
