I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
The air taste purple.
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