She is in my trunk
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
