So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
