new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
