You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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