Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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