Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
she told me i tasted like america
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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