Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
