Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
There's even glitter on my cock...
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