I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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