There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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