she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
