Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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