sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
