Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
and you fell through a lawn chair
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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