youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
