Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
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