i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
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