you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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