i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
