Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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