wat bout pragnant strippers??
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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