I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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