I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
