do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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