I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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