it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
