i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
