Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
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I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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