They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
