'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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