Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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