After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
