you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
