Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Reggie can tackle my bush.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
