its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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