i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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