apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
