i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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