Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
