I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I don't think brook has ever known best
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
