i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
