There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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