names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
