Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
