Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
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