I'm lost and stupid without you.
Life is so much better after having sex.
He felt like a one man threesome
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
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Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
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I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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