I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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