Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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