Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
