That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
