It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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