are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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