Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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