I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
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i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
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she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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