Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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