I will die if light touches me.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
