plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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