bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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