at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize