I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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