sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
