I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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