Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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