Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
