So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
