they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
