i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
