I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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